A letter to my 15 year old self

It's a bit cliche I know but I found a letter in an old journal from my self at 15. It wasn't written for me to read at a secific age but I thought it was interesting that I found it now at 21.

So I wrote a reply and thought I'd put it up here. Maybe someone will find it encouraging!

A letter to my 15 year old self:

Daughter of God,

I got your message. I'm 21 now. I'm not a trained counsellor, youth worker, missionary, famous Christian rock star or author. I'm not an extraordinary person at all really, which I know you expected to be.

However, I am a counsellor and encourager to some friends. I have done heaps of volunteer work with youth and am currently working towards a welfare degree - which means I can then be a paid youth worker if I want.

I'm kind of a missionary, at least that's the mindset I try to have. I try to take every opportunity I can to tell others about Jesus. I live out of home now and am relatively poor, I pay rent, buy food and pay for transport and that's it. So I feel like a missionary sometimes, in the sense that the church has helped me with shoes, food and household items.

I still play the guitar and have played in front of groups of people before, I sometimes lead music for church events. I try to bring God glory with my music and entertain people at the same time.

I am still single, childless and mostly unemployed. I run a kids club and feel a bit like a mother there. I also am known as a mother type by some... Well most of my friends.

No I haven't given up on God, though much of our family has. God still keeps me close to him and everyday is a joy to wake up and know that I can serve him with my life.

So I guess in a small way I have achieved everything you wanted. But not in a huge 'look at me!' way. But this doesn't make me sad. It amuses me actually, to think I've carried out in a little way all the things we've wanted to.

I remember you, daughter of God, at 15 feeling so lost and out of control. You were hurting and clinging to God. We've been through a lot since then. And let me tell you, some days I feel as if all the scars we bare have been torn open and fresh wounds are there. 

But let me say, clinging to God has become easier. My fingers don't feel bloody and the wounds don't feel fresh. Leaping of cliffs in life isn't so scary. Jumping into the unknown isn't so hard. We've done it many times now and God has caught us every time. I don't feel as if I'm clinging to him with my fingertips anymore.

In fact I feel as if I am sitting in the palm of his hand. He has knit us back together, into one person. Who is me! I walk with God now, sometimes feeling like old friends. But mostly I know I'm a daughter with a grand perfect father! Who gives me the strength to face everyday and the love I need to pour out onto all I meet.

I am not perfect, I still hurt, I still have so much to work on and so much I want to do.

But the itching need to know who I am and why I'm here is gone. And that feeling you had of being torn in two, it is gone.

You see, daughter of God, that's who you are. That's who we are. A daughter of God! One of many! Nothing extraordinary but loved by someone extraordinary!

I need you to know, 15 year old me, I am so truly happy! I trust God with my entire being and believe that he will use me to do his work until the day Jesus returns or until he is finished with us here and he takes the breath of life away.

I will greet death with a smile and warm heart, however it happens, because I know what awaits is better. But I will keep walking with God in this life and do his work until the day he calls me home.

Grace and peace to you, 15 year old me! You were wonderful and now you are me!

Here's to the future!

Here's to God!

Philippians 1:20-21 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.